At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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