I wish my penis had an off switch
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
