My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
