I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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