Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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