I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
