My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
