Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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