why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
