flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
