just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We need to get me chipped asap
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
