just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
