just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
