What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
