Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She bit a glass in half.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
