she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
