My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
