i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
