If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
