So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
