I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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