If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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