It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to stick my p in your. b.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
