her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
