First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
