I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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