We won't sleep together?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
