the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
