i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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