Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
