You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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