So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
