So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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