You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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