Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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