At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
