Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
