He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
