the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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