were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
