woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are two peas in an std pod
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
