Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
