I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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