yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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