Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
