Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
