hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
