well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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