Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
