i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
