I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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