On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
