In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
